I believe this is how trust feels like, and how love is supposed to feel. I rejoice, I bathe in its waters, naked and free, independent but attached.
31.7.20, 21:00
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"Oh hello moon, give me a song".
Each time you passed my gaze, swinging back and forth, a slightly different position and an innocent energy, childlike. A lightness that you have in your every move, clashing beautifully with the strength and anger that you carry with you, like the ocean.
I looked at you, I felt you and I was happy, there was nothing else I could wish for, nothing I wanted, nothing I expected. Sitting there, listening to your stories, watching your joy, made me happy, completely satisfied, there was nothing else I could have asked for.
You didn't step in dog shit, or any shit for that matter, so I also feared today may be a bad day, but that is just us believing nothing good comes for free, nor can it last. But you know, I think it doesn't work like that, and if, I am certain we deserve this, we deserve us.
31.7.20, 23:00
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I'm floating in this train, I've been floating for months by now, but last night...
We were laying in silence after such a simple day, such a nice one. I asked you about sex, which scared me before, but now I am getting back to myself and taking the chances, talking the talks, saying the words... Though you were faster than me this time.
"I don't know if you know this"
You were holding my hand, your arm on top of mine, my back on your torso, not quite intertwined, probably for the best. It was dark and warm, the window opened and our naked bodies, resting softly on each other as the fresh night summer breeze caressed our skin.
"But", it happened so fast it took me by surprise. No anticipation, though I had been thinking about this for months by now. Each time I left smiling, each time you asked me how I was, each time you made me tea in the morning, each time we lay in a comfort that only nature can share, each time you've made me feel enough.
"I love you", I laughed though I could've cried, my heart was beating so strongly I'm surprised the room didn't explode, probably only because your chest was behind mine and your arm over, and you can hold it. You can hold me.
"I did know", and all the times you've shown me that you do flash in my mind, each kind gaze, tea and hug, each silence, laughter and talk, each silly moment, kind word, each finger, hand, eyelash and breath. It all came to my heart as if having said it had expanded my love for you even further than my body, further than yours.
The love I hold could now cover the entire world, the entire universe for that matter. This eternal fountain I've been cultivating within turned into an infinite ocean of water so clean it could organise the masses and begin the revolution.
"and I love you too". In case it wasn't clear by now.
1.8.20, 14:00
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I have never felt this way before and don't misunderstand me, I have always been a romantic. I fall in love easily enough, I have millions of crushes a day and I love fully each and every time; but this one, and I'm not taking this lightly, nor I'm blowing it up, or am unaware; This time it is new.
I always feel so strongly and so much, but this time I could cry of joy. I see you for you, not a projection, nor an idealisation, you are just a match. And I overflow in happiness just by knowing you are happy too.
You are a kind, strong and intelligent human being, a real one. With flaws and beliefs, and I see them. Maybe I don't know them all, but I see all you have shown me to be; the anger, the love, the smoking, the friendship, the solidarity, the drunkness, the struggle, the care, the innocence, the mature, the snores, the talks, the anarchy, the hopeless and the hope too.
Oh, I don't think this is all you are, but I am eager to get to know more, though at its own time, no rush. I like it slow as it has gone so far, as slow as the world in corona times, as calm as laying on a blanket with the sun on our skins, near the water with you.
There's absolutely nothing I'd change of you, and that is coming from someone who always tries to stay in control.