Psychoanalysis of another breakdown.
As a child, I wanted to be homeless. The drawing I kept making over and over again was myself in a cave, in a corner, in a hole, with an umbrella over my head, blankets and pillows and a fire to keep me warm. I see now that I was seeking freedom, safety and protection. That which I never got at home. Now as an adult, I am still in the same search because I don't know how that looks like. I get into the same patterns and pains, even if my room is cosy. I feel empty because what I needed then was a parent who would make sure I was seen and safe, but now I don't see or protect myself. That is Freud. I need to get back to reparenting, listening to myself, taking time for my needs entirely, but I am caught up again in the drama. I forgot once more who I am because the core of me has gone to seek refuge in the depths of my subconscious, a place full of traps, labyrinths and song lyrics. All meaningful and harder to solve than any puzzle since they have a hidden symbolic logic bas...