Looking back I'm wondering how long it has been since I wasn't exhausted, at least a month ago I was already entering this strange state of never quite resting enough, and I am still also wondering, why.
Social media people keep saying if I give them my money, they'll solve all my problems, but somehow, even when I do, it doesn't work. Do I already have all I need to solve my problems? Or should I better spend that money on knowledge that will actually be worth it, like a proper somatic therapy course, hormones, herbalism or neuroscience?
Of course it makes more sense, but the idea of someone giving me a curated list of little habits and fixing my life sounds much more appealing than all the extra work that involves researching and creating something myself.
Delulu babes. It will always take more effort, for the ready-made version will not be healing it all. It's always about sales nowadays, so sad, so empty. I wonder if those people even truly wanted to help others to begin with.
Today I don't understand humans even more than usual and I want to cease existence again. The recurrent, yet somewhat abstract, thought of death is back, but somehow this depression feels very different to how it has normally been until now. Is it having my own safe space? A home makes a big difference, however, it also brings an extra weight if I want to visit my roots for a month or so. I would love to have a doctor friend who'd help me out for this case.
What is stressing me out?
I need a trip to the beach.