I needed you and you weren't there. My heart was screaming for you to hold me, to show me your love, but you were busy advising about therapists, mindset changes and other changes, proving how I'm broken and if I only tried a bit harder, you could be happy.
But I am who I am, and that's inherently hurtful for you. I am who I am and you cannot take it even if you try. I am who I am and as that hurts you, you hurt me back.
Look, if I'm such a burden, if I weight you down so much, if you cannot handle me, just please explain to me why are you still here? I don't see your love, so there must be something else that I'm blinded to. Please tell me why.
For all I see is your pain while trying to deal with mine, all I see is your stress and dislike, your anxiety, your overwhelm. All while I'm trying to calm myself and scream your name in hopes for your warmth to wrap me up and hold me until the sun is out again.
You used to say I was brave and I was doing well when I was overwhelmed, now you just get triggered yourself and stay quiet, hoping it would go away. In my understanding, that's a pretty bad sign, of what I have done to you, whether on purpose or not, whether I did anything or just was.
I fucked you up as I have fucked them all up, as I fuck everything up, simply by being.