Fear and crave, homeless.

 Hello wrinkles of unhappiness, hello stress, hello suicidal thoughts. I'm homeless now.

It's weird how I become uglier as I am sad or after a fight with someone. Me skin feels drier, my brain foggy, my stomach tight, my eyes and mouth down and dull, like a soulless puppet, one made to feel pain, not enjoy life.

I wish I was a tree.

Probably my life expectancy will grow exponentially once I live alone. I fear and crave.

I'm homeless now.

 The idea of ending everything keeps crossing my mind, end both relationships, move to the beach, make it on your own, away from this bullshit you've created and dare to call life, dumbass.

Or the other ending, just a quick one, painless. Fear and crave.

I'm homeless now.

I feel like a burden again, all my life. The second I ask for help it comes back, I don't want to be, yet I don't change. 

The fast growth as a child just gave me this as a present, everlasting after taking care of myself and others as an adult. Fuck.

The Burden.