Revising day.

Today is supposed to be a good day for revising the year, and it makes sense when soon I'll complete one more round to the sun on this boat. I was so excited about it,: getting home, preparing some tea and opening my black notebook to write about everything that has been going on. So much has happened.

But instead, I'm once more trying to find someone to live with us, suffering over the money we don't have, wanting to be quiet and alone but not being able to. I need some time out, I need to revise.

Maybe tomorrow morning, very early would be a good time, but for now I am completely lost and full of noise and light and things I don't want. I wish I knew how to leave these situations.
I can suffer today, about my issues, your issues, my childhood, our flat and the money we don't have. Mostly also about the society, the culture, the worldly world and the existence itself. And I can't do anything more than that.