Is this how letting go feels like?
Honestly, it is way too similar to giving up, but who says that is bad either, I mean... Why not give up on things we can't change? Isn't that acceptance anyway?
Today I was overwhelmed by emotions, self-love, failure, sadness, nostalgy, playful attraction, love again (though another kind), discomfort, fun, sadness bomb, fun again enthusiasm, and then back to sadness.
I'm here once more writing from sadness and hoping to give birth to this role model that I'm so much in need of. Show me how to have healthy relationships, how happiness feels like, or I will be, forever stuck in searching something I don't know what it is. Like searching for someone on the streets of a gigantic city, but I only know their name: Happiness.
The better I get, the worse it feels. The more I learn how to deal with life, let go, accept, or give up, however you want to call it, the more suicidal I get.
I don't want band-aids, though these have helped me a lot. I have done such progress, I wouldn't even have thought I could. I remember when I wasn't even able to imagine this, and here I am, yet in my imagination of this wonder, I was not stuck anymore, and overall, I don't feel so different: Stuck, just more regulated.
What is the difference between giving up and accepting?
What is the difference between loneliness and happiness?
I want to sleep now.