It smelled like London today, I couldn't focus at times on what my old friends said while one of them brought these memories to me. I watched old pictures once I got into bed alone, bad idea through and through.
I painted us on my phone as I asked for a free "nonsensing" tattoo, soon I will have you in my skin as I said I would. Despite the bad times there was always good, still I need to keep reminding myself of the bad so I don't go back.
I don't know how to stop, I saw your playlist and hid behind a veil of funny stories from a painful past. Jana was surprised that it's over, proud even, she knew how triggering this was and couldn't believe I made it out. Me neither and I keep wondering how long it will last this time.
She told me to do it and not just try, but I don't quite know the difference so I'm trying, but I need an outlet, especially when I miss, after seeing the thousands of lovely pictures of years of us, the funny videos, the jungle and such...
Then, I need to write. So I write my heart into a cage and don't say it all because I have to be careful. I need a temporary home to be alone with the pain of your departure, or mine.
I miss you but I will stay strong, I want to send you pictures, but I won't. I will focus on what is here now and ease the pain with the love of those who were here as I grew. I will keep reminding myself that I don't know what the future holds and let go of hope while I reinforce my boundaries and leave the toxicity once more: She said the twisted anger didn't take me to Freedom Road, and Harmony Road was tempting but a dead end after all.
Music came up today, the arts, the childhood dreams and the teenager ones. How do I move forward? Music man.
Crystalline - Björk