And so, in a second of peace, I dreamt about him again. It might have been a warning cause there wasn't even a pinch of happiness, it went straight into anger and pain, while here he hasn't left my head and jungle has played on speakers and virtual reality gave me a trip... I miss the dreams of dancing till morning, jumping to your breakbeats and London's momentary perfection.
I've been fantasizing as well, or considering actually, my options to be closer to these hearts that make me full and I'm in a state of complete uncertainty again.
The world of k-pop brings out the classic hysteria while I'm actually retentive, and honestly nothing seems possible anymore, neither Germany, nor psychology, and I'm even trusting my own skills somehow. So much clashing of minds and hearts, so much yes and no and no and yes...
I am sad but ok, yet I miss and crave and long for. The dissatisfaction always came from within so I wonder, what would be enough?
A magical place, close but far, with but alone, intense but calm, loud but quiet, high but sober, breakbeats but folk, singing but in silence, dancing but movelessness. Is it impossible or is it just balance? Would you do this with me? Would that be enough? Do I need to have a with?
The mountains in Sweden, my mother still is. Guilt for disdain and repulsion. How can I be?
Another em night I crave, only with him, but I know how it would end. I can't forget the fantasy of Bristol's countryside and the house we made.
Florence and breakbeats, looking for peace, but to illuminate this chest, I crave opposites. The perfect organism, but I want him to be free, to believe and shine like the sun. You good, good, trust too.