It's just a bad day

 Suddenly I feel alone in the world again, it's so easy for others to have such power over me.

I undressed myself too quickly and now I'm on display, people don't laugh or lust as they see me, I just feel shame for fooling myself again into believing this time it was true. 

How could it be right, when the patterns are still repeating? 7 months to move in, fixing a problem, is this the wrong step?


I felt the disappointment, the bigger person didn't come through, only a boundary I didn't dare to set before and felt like rejection. It felt petty, it felt passive aggressive, it felt like there was no love.

No ritual was kept, radio silence, I kept my part on both ends, it's unfair. The unholy wish resurfaced, I don't think that would make you happy.

This year's word was 'sosiego', yet I've had too many demons on my back. I thought this was it, once again. Yesterday I said that I trust my judgment and myself, but today I'm not sure anymore.


My heart aches and jumps out of beat often, as if it was shaking instead of drumming, I'm scared and I feel alone again, I didn't feel alone when I was alone.

Is it just a bad day, or is this a step that will bring my doom?

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