It still feels like it's not done, after an entire day of work, though cut by the destructive phonecall with mother, I still feel like there is more to let go.
I wonder if the fact that the things are still there in a box, waiting to be take out somewhere, affects this feeling of non-accomplishment, or if it's more about being a perfectionist.
I have exactly 22 clothes hangers and an extra 30cms of rail. I want wooden ones and I'd like 30 hangers. I want 10 simple cotton terracota-coloured underwear. I want to simplify everything and make any possible future move easier, lighter.
I need a change, it's too heavy to think of you so much each day, to wonder how you are, wishing you good night from my bed, longing for your touch.
I want a new laptop to work on my texts, designs and music and I want instruments too. I want less stuff but also more beauty and joy in what I have. I want a proper toolbox and two wall shelves on top of each other. I want a brighter wallpaper, not the ugly one there is. I want my cotton terracotta coloured duvet cover and beige cotton fitted sheet. I want a sonic toothbrush and a new bike handlebar and seat.
I want to let go of that overwhelming box, I just don't know where.
Am I desperately trying to get rid of the pain I feel? Cause I know it won't work by releasing objects, although it has brought some peace into this heart.
Why does it still feel incomplete? Is it just your absence?