Walking around the city so much reminds me of you, even in places we never were. Today I saw the tacos place I hate the most with the red neon letters spelling her name on a corner facing the canal.
Tacos means high heels in Spanish (or heavy traffic in Chile) and I wonder if she was shorter than me and if you two are having more fun now, moving on, maybe you three, moving on.
What's that even supposed to mean?
Moving.
On.
Do I really want to know? Why though? Just to hurt myself more? Can I live with the doubt and let it go?
There's definitely at least someone new, for the numbers on my blog have gone down to the usual 1-4, instead of 30 per day. Some days you don't see them at all. Good for you.
Now you get to hurt me the way you always dreamt of deep down each time I wasn't with you. But I'm alone and you never were, despite how much you wanted to believe it.
Will the pain ever leave this body of mine, or is it just part of existing?
London, London, London. Will you take them now? Of course you will, moving on.
That wasn't love. It's not about them, once again, but about us, feelings and mud. There's too much dirt to do better, my back hurts again.
Will your mum also make scones for them? Definitely, but they won't cry in happiness like me, for I'm burdened and blessed by this sensitivity "a flor de piel". What an ugly saying.
I slept so badly and good news is around, I'm happy and suffering too. It's time to take a step further finally, to get some good news also for myself.
Where is my sister?
I want to leave and never return, I miss her. That's the main good news I want to hear: all went well, the struggle is solved, she's alive and well".
There's still a lot going on and as she said, I'm not talking to anyone again, at the moment, as it happens, as I feel defeated and weak, heavy. Maybe I just need a proper bed. What about taking the step further? 24th of September.
It's time to say goodbye to you forever, for this pain is too much. The hope of being closer again is only hurting. Another post will come for that, not that you'd see it.
Overwhelming emotions constantly, how do I truly let this go? It's been over a month and I'm still stuck here in the space you left in my heart. In the loneliness I am.
